Hello there, and welcome to my blog! Here I'll be sharing my stories, my crisis, and...well...everything else I want to haha! My name is Daniel, but I prefer Danny :3 I was born and still live in Brazil, with my parents, since I'm not 18 yet. Although I love my parents(mostly my dad, despite the psychological torture he made me go through), I plan to move to the United States after college, or maybe I'll even do college in the US. The reason for that is all the conflicts I have with them, some regarding gender identity/roles, others due to my non-heterosexual sexual orientation.
In this first post, I'll share with you a little about my family, mainly my mother and father, and consequently, about myself.
Where shall we start? Hmm... Ahh yes, my mother! I sometimes may even say I hate her, but that's not completely true. I simply disagree with all her opinions about gender, which causes a lot of conflicts. She, for example, thinks that men should always pay the bill and other crap like that, and she makes my dad pay for most things, like my school and the light and water bills, but she actually earns more money than him, however still refuses to help financially. And all this infuriates me. I should also add that I explained to her more than 5 times what the term transgender, including, specially, trans non-binary, also telling her that I was agender, but she won't get it, alleging that I'm still a boy for her.
And my dad. Oh, lovable and amiable dad... I know he loves me, but he has some difficulties wrapping his head around the idea of me not being heterosexual. I never really told him I'm agender, because I'm sure he also won't understand. I know he will definitely respect me, though. He isn't really misogynist, as far as I know(of course, I'm not really thinking so deep about this, because he is a 63 year old person, and it's really rare for men this age to not be even slightly misogynist). He however caused me a lot of psychological damage in the past year, and I still can't forget about it and the way I felt at his moments of anger against me(I'll explain this in next posts).
The rest of my family are all cissexists, transphobes, homophobes, implicitly racists, and obviously binarists, and I unfortunately have to deal with all this. None of them know I'm pansexual and/or agender, besides my parents, to whom I came out as gay a year ago. I've been identifying as agender for at least 6 months now, and as pansexual for about 3 months.
In the beginning of last year, I told my parents I was gay(at that time, I truly hated gender. I wasn't aware of the existence of a non-binary spectrum and felt forced to identify as a boy, and again, since I didn't now about n-b, I thought I was gay), and since then, I haven't told them I now identify as pansexual, and I've only told my mother I'm agender, but she didn't understand it anyway, so it didn't change anything.
I think this is it for today. Maybe I'll post the whole coming out as gay story next week. But till then, stay ridiculously creepy, my friends! <3
